THE MARRIAGE AGREEMENT
The man who is seeking for a wife
chooses a girl and ascertains that she is willing to marry him. The old rule
was that he must take her from outside his own clan (mbai); but at the present time,
if there is no near relationship any longer apparent, a marriage is possible
although both parties are of one clan. This happens, for example, in the large
Atangwa and Aombe clans, although in the latter there is a reaction against the
practice.
When the suitor has made his choice,
his father goes to see the father of the girl. Should his father have died, his
place is taken by a paternal relative. If the father of the girl agrees to the
marriage, the mother of the man will visit the mother of the girl to ensure
that she is also satisfied.
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| Mbusi sya Ntheo |
When the strap has been returned to
him, the suitor’s father brews beer. He takes this beer in two calabashes, one
large and one small, to the house of the girl’s father, and with him go one ,
two or three elders of his family who are his witnesses. On their arrival the
small calabash is placed in that part of the hut which is the sleeping place of
the girl’s mother. The other is put in the large main room. The beer must be
not be placed, nor must it be drunk, outside the house. The elders of the two
families begin by drinking the beer in the large calabash, and when it is
finished they go into the sleeping place of the girl’s mother – she may have
been in the main room previously but she will retire in time for this. Sitting
on her bed, she pours out beer from the small calabash, first for her husband
and then for the father of the suitor. These two then take the calabash with
its remaining beer and return to the main room. This ceremony shows that the
mother agrees to the marriage.
In the main room of the hut the
remaining beer is drunk. When only little remains, four “miatine” (fruits from
the sausage tree) of those put in to give the beer strength are taken out and
the beer is wrung from them into a drinking gourd. This last beer is drunk by
the two fathers, and each in turn spits down his chest and stomach and on the
underside of the gourd. The four “miatine “are then put aside by the father of
the girl; the others and the calabashes can be taken away.
This beer is called “uki wa kuatiia
mbui” –“the beer that follows the goats”. After it, the two fathers and the
mothers will call each other “syitawa” – “my daughter – in – law’s mother” ,
etc.- until death, or until the couple are divorced.
The father of the suitor must now send
more goats four, six or eight – two will not suffice this time. There is no
ritual coition after receipt of these goats. Of them one must be a male, and it
should be slaughtered at once and the blood poured on the ground by the father
of the girl. This is to show that these and the “mbui sya ntheo” have now
become his property, and he has no wish to change any of them. If the ceremony
is not performed, the girl’s father can still claim replacement of any that may
happen to die. The suitor himself normally goes with these goats, with strict
instructions from his father to make sure that the ram is slaughtered. This ram
is the “nthenge ya kwitia mbui nthakame nthi” – “the pouring out of the goat’s
blood on the ground”
The second beer drink that follows is
called “uki wa kuthambya nzele” –“the beer for washing the drinking
calabashes.” It is on this occasion that the agreement is reached on the bride
price. The beer is again brewed by the father of the suitor, a large quantity,
and sent by him to the “musyi” (homestead) of the girl’s father. He himself follows
it the next day, with several elders of his family. The drinking and the
negotiations then take place. When the agreement is finally reached, the man’s
father takes back his four “miatine”.
There are always one bull and two
cows in the bride price, and a certain number of goats. It is the number of
goats that varies, according to the agreement, not the number of cows.
Nowadays, sheep or cash, or a proportion of each, may often take the place of
goats.
In addition to the foregoing animals,
the suitor’s father supplies three others for slaughter – one bull, one goat
and one sheep. These are often sent together to the girl’s father, and are not
intended for a joint feast of the two families. The girl,s father decides when
they shall be slaughtered for his own family- this meat is the enjoyment the
women of the homestead get from his own family – this meat is the enjoyment the
women of the household get from the occasion , as the beer is for men.
There is a third and final beer drink
before the marriage takes place. It is called “uki wa kukinya musyi” – (the
beer of walking the homestead). Once again the father of the man brews beer and
invites the father of the girl to come to his house, together with some of the
elders of his family. He shows them his property and his house, to which the
girl is to come. Here, too, there is beer in the mother’s sleeping place, and
the ceremony previously described is repeated at the end of the visit. When the
beer is finished, the guests take their sticks, which in accordance with custom
they have left at the door of the hut, and go. For this reason this last beer
is called “wa mwosa ndata”- (of the taker of the stick).
THE WEDDING.
Payment of the bride price is made
according to the wealth of the suitor’s family and the terms of the agreement,
sometimes it takes a long time. In theory the payment should be completed
before the girl is taken away from her father’s house, but by agreement she is
often allowed to go before this time. Small presents to the mother of the girl
and other close relatives are customary at the time of the negotiations. And on
three or four occasions the girl will be given permission to see her future
husband in the fields or in the bush.
Ceremonial bride-taking by force is
definitely not a kamba custom. The girl is fetched from her father’s house in a
peaceful manner. However, if bride price has been paid in full, and the girl’s
father still delays handing her over to her husband, the husband and four of
his family can take her away by force. If when a girl is taken forcibly, her
neck is smeared with ghee by her suitor’s mother, she will not be returned to
her father for two days. On the second night she has coition with the man. The girl’s
father, if on his enquiry he learns that she has been marked in this way, does
not expect her to return until after this time. She should then be returned by
her husband’s father, who will take with him a present of beer “uki wa
kuthaitha ithe wa mwiitu”- the (beer for entreating the father of the girl) –
and will try to come to an understanding on the matter.
However, in a normal marriage a day
is fixed on which the girl shall be taken to her husband’s house, and on that
day a sufficiency of beer is supplied by her father- in- law. Two women of his
family, the husband and another male relative- the composition of the party is
not rigidly fixed- then lead the girl away to her new house. All the bride’s
friends go to visit her in her new home and bring her presents of bananas and
other foods. They sing songs of regret for her departure from the unmarried,
and for the dances and other joys in which she will no longer share. It used to
be called “ngoma” (dance).
Visitors do not come until after the
second night and they stay until the fourth day, dancing and feasting. After
all visiting is done the newlyweds continue with their lives and start their
own family.
BY JOSEPHINE K. NZUKI
NATIONAL MUSEUMS OF KENYA
RESOURCE CENTRE
NATIONAL MUSEUMS OF KENYA
RESOURCE CENTRE
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